Feeling secure in who you are can be challenging, especially when others express disapproval or doubt your choices. Whether it’s family expectations, societal pressure, or negative feedback, standing firm in your identity takes resilience. Self esteem coaching can help you build the confidence to remain grounded in your sense of self, even when faced with external criticism.
Why External Approval Feels So Important
Humans are wired for connection, and historically, social belonging was essential for survival. This is why rejection or disapproval can feel so painful. However, when your self-worth is tied to others’ opinions, you risk losing yourself in an endless cycle of seeking validation.
Signs you might be overly affected by external approval:
- You frequently second-guess your decisions because of others’ opinions.
- You struggle to say no, even when something doesn’t align with your values.
- You feel anxious or guilty when someone disapproves of you.
- You hesitate to express your true thoughts and feelings.
Breaking free from this cycle doesn’t mean ignoring others entirely—it means prioritizing your own values, needs, and sense of self over external validation.
Related: How to Speak Up Clearly Without Fear of Judgment
How to Build Security in Who You Are
1. Identify Your Core Values
Your values act as an internal compass, guiding your decisions and sense of self. When you are clear on what truly matters to you, external opinions lose their grip.
Action Step: Write down your top five core values. These might include honesty, independence, creativity, or kindness. When faced with disapproval, ask yourself: Am I acting in alignment with my values? If the answer is yes, external opinions hold less power.
2. Strengthen Your Internal Validation
Rather than relying on others to affirm your worth, learn to affirm yourself. Internal validation means recognizing your own progress, worth, and decisions without needing external approval.
Action Step: Each evening, write down three things you did well that day. These could be as simple as handling a difficult conversation or sticking to a personal boundary.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
If you constantly seek approval, you may allow people to overstep your boundaries, leaving you feeling drained and resentful.
Action Step: Practice saying “I appreciate your opinion, but I need to do what feels right for me.” Boundaries are not about shutting people out—they’re about creating a space where you can thrive.
4. Challenge Negative Thought Patterns
If you often think, “What if they don’t like me?” or “I need their approval to be okay,” you may be caught in cognitive distortions that reinforce insecurity.
Action Step: When you notice these thoughts, challenge them. Ask yourself, Is this 100% true? Would I tell a friend to think this way? By reframing these thoughts, you weaken their power over you.
5. Build Self-Trust Through Action
Confidence and security don’t come from waiting to feel ready—they come from taking action, even in the face of doubt.
Action Step: Do one small thing each day that aligns with your values, even if others disapprove. Over time, these small acts build a solid foundation of self-trust.
6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
If you are constantly around people who undermine your confidence, it’s harder to feel secure. Seek out friends, mentors, or self esteem coaching that reinforces your growth.
Action Step: Evaluate your social circle. Do certain relationships consistently make you feel small or doubtful? If so, consider limiting your time with those influences.
7. Work with a Self Esteem Coach
Developing unshakable confidence in yourself isn’t always easy to do alone. A self esteem coach can provide guidance, tools, and support to help you break free from self-doubt and stand firmly in your identity.
Personalized coaching can help you gain clarity, overcome self-doubt, and build resilience against external criticism. Feeling secure in who you are is one of the most powerful things you can achieve.
Action Step: If you’re ready to break free from external validation and build lasting self-confidence, self esteem coaching can help you take the next step. Start here to start your journey today.
FAQs
How do I stop second-guessing myself?
Building self-trust is key. Start by making small decisions without seeking external input, then gradually work up to bigger ones. The more you rely on your own judgment, the more confident you’ll feel.
What if the people around me don’t support my growth?
Not everyone will support your journey to self-confidence. It’s important to set boundaries and seek out relationships that uplift and encourage you.
Can self esteem coaching really help?
Yes. Self esteem coaching provides tailored support, helping you identify the root of your self-doubt and develop practical strategies to build lasting confidence.
Why do I care so much about what others think?
Humans are social creatures, and we are wired to seek acceptance. However, excessive concern about others’ opinions can stem from childhood experiences, societal expectations, or low self esteem. The good news is, this pattern can be changed.
How do I get started with self esteem coaching?
You can start by booking a session at Overwhelm No More. Coaching helps you develop personalized strategies to build self-confidence and resilience.
